Ballista Problems
by Iceskatecraze
Summary: All was going well. The group had just recruited Renault, a bishop, and were making their way towards Limstella. Mark, the group’s tactician, was very pleased with the army’s progress. Until he ordered Lyn to use a ballista. Chaos ensues.


Rating: K+

(summary) All was going well. The group had just recruited a Renault, a bishop, and were making their way towards Limstella. Mark, the group's tactician, was very pleased with the army's progress. Until he ordered Lyn to use a ballista. Chaos ensues.

A/N: This is my first fic so please don't flame too much if people are OOC. I give partial credit for this fic to The Amazing Sono-Chan who helped me come up with this idea and edit my work and Cheea5 who also edited and gave ideas.

**I do not own Fire Emblem. I only own the little cartridge that you put into your Gameboy.**

Ballista Problem

**"**Lyn, use the Ballista," Mark's voice rang, full of agitation.

"I told you I can't" Lyn responded. This was not the first time Mark had told her to use one. Nor was it the second. Or even the third. In fact, Lyn had lost count of how many times she and Mark had had this same conversation. She would have committed homicide if Hector and Eliwood hadn't held her back.

"You always say you can't use ballistae Lyn, but you have never told us why. Now I am getting sick and tired of this. Either tell me why you can't use a ballista, or go get your butt in that one over there," Mark said with a pout. He was getting really irritated with Lyn for not listening to his orders, yet again.

"That's the problem. I can't get my butt in a ballista. It won't fit."

At this, Hector let go of Lyn and fell over laughing. Eliwood just stood there, looking confused.

"I don't get it, what's a butt?"

His answer was more laughter from Hector and an odd glance from Lyn. Her expression seemed to say, 'I knew you were naïve, but this is a little much.'

Mark just stared at Lyn dumbfounded.

"What do you mean, your butt won't fit in a ballista? You're skinny as a stick."

"I meant what I said. Trust me, as soon as I was able to use bows, I tried to use ballistae. They're so cool. I tried everything, but my butt just wouldn't fit…I mean…for some reason I just can't manage to sit in the blasted thing without falling out…"

At this point, Hector was rolling around on the ground and had tears pouring down his cheeks from laughing so hard. Mark was staring at Lyn trying to comprehend what she had just said. He was making odd gestures with his hands as he tried to wrap his mind around what Lyn had just said. Lyn was watching Mark, waiting for him to tell her what to do, since using the ballista was obviously not an option. And Eliwood was still standing in the same spot, trying to figure out what the heck a butt was.

"Lyn, you have got to be kidding me. Get your butt in that friggin ballista! I guarantee that there is no way someone as slim as you can't fit! If not, may lighting strike me where I stand!"

All of a sudden, Mark was tackled to the ground by Lyn as lightning from a nearby mage's bolting tome struck the exact spot where he had been previously standing. Mark's face darkened as he realized they were in fact, still in battle. He shook his head, deciding not to dwell on the weird coincidence that had just occurred. He then resumed shouting orders to the members of the group. Within an hour, Eliwood and his army had defeated Limstella and, within another few hours, they had set up a good place to camp. That night during dinner, the group talked about the battle that had taken place earlier that day. It had been their toughest one yet and everyone was tired. Serra was talking with Priscilla about how many people had been hurt and had needed healing. Between the two healers, they had broken 2 heal staffs and one mend staff.

"It seems that there wasn't a lot of short range fighting, and a lot of the damage was done by long range weapons, like magic and ballistae. Especially ballistae," commented Priscilla to Serra.

Mark, who happened to be sitting next to the girls, overheard the bit about ballistae and burst into hysterical laughter, remembering Lyn's "problem." The entire army went quiet and stared at Mark as he continued to laugh for almost five minutes. Eventually, when he was starting to quiet down, Wil, who was always first to break any silence, asked what was so funny.

"Well," Mark began, trying to tell the story, "today during the battle, Lyn…"

At this, Mark resumed his laughing fit and was unable to finish his story. Everyone was now staring at Lyn, who was turning red. They all started clamoring to hear the story. Hector was the next one to start talking.

"Like Mark said, during the battle, he was telling Lyn what to do. He told her to get into the ballista near us and…" He then started laughing too and was rendered speechless. Now all anyone could figure out was that Mark had told Lyn to us a ballista against the enemy and somehow, Mark and Hector found this hilarious. It was Eliwood who spoke up next.

"I don't really get what they find so funny, but I do know the story. So, Mark told Lyn to use a ballista and got really really angry with her when she said she couldn't 'cause she always says she can't. Then he told her to get her butt in the ballista and she said she couldn't 'cause her butt wouldn't fit. Then Hector fell over laughing, Mark just stood there staring at Lyn and doing weird things with his hands and then Mark started talking and lightning almost hit him."

Once Eliwood was done with his story, the only sound was Sain snickering at the thought of what Mark could be doing with his hands. The rest of the group didn't even want to think about what could be going through the cavalier's mind. After a minute or two, a few people started laughing. Eventually, the entire group was laughing. All except for Eliwood, who was still confused, Jaffar, who never showed any expression, and Erk, who was absorbed in his book and had missed the story. Eliwood looked around at his laughing comrades in confusion.

"I don't get it, what's a butt?" He asked for the second time that day. Again, the only answer he got was laughter and more weird looks that looked a lot like the one Lyn had given him earlier.

Sain had burst into laughter and was now describing his plans to help Lyn get her butt in a ballista to Kent, who looked very disturbed. The paladin was slowly edging away so he was sitting by Wil, who was chattering to Rath, another archer.

"I remember the first time I used a ballista. I was aiming for this target that was about 50 feet away and at first I kept missing completely but then after five or six tries, I finally hit something and I was really excited until I realized that I had hit my teacher." Rath smiled at the mention of Wil hitting his teacher, remembering doing the same when he was younger.

"After that I wasn't allowed to use ballistae anymore and didn't use one again until I joined this army. My aim is much better now, dont'cha think Rath? And then there was that time…" Wil continued to chatter, oblivious to the fact that Rath was now ignoring him. Florina was giggling quietly beside Lyn, who was bright red. She had not thought Mark would tell the whole army about the incident earlier. Serra was sitting between Erk, who was absorbed in his book, and Priscilla, who was laughing hysterically. Serra was desperately trying to turn the conversation back to her. After five minutes of this, she gave up and started pouting. Neither of her comrades noticed.

After about ten minutes, the group had settled down somewhat and had gone back to their individual conversations. The only person who still showed signs of what had happened was Lyn, who was still faintly red. She soon got up and went to the tent she shared with Florina, just wanting to go to bed and forget about what happened, thinking that at least she would have a good story to tell her children and grandchildren. And with that thought, she fell asleep.

A/N: Yeah, this is my first fic so I am really sorry if it sucks. I hope nobody is OOC, but they probably are. I personally hate it when authors plead with you to review so I won't. Feel free to leave one if you want though. Or don't. Hope you liked the story!


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